Thirteen: Growing Pains

Dear Diary,

Ben turned five six weeks ago.  I can hardly believe my little boy is at school.  He had been attending kindergarten, so he's taken to it like a duck to water.

He can be so full of energy.  We already had one trip to the e.r. for a fractured arm.  Jonah assures me that this is relatively common and just shows that Ben is a typical little boy.

Other times Ben is deep and serious.  He dealt with the whole broken arm episode by drawing pictures.  We've had to put a table in the courtyard where he can paint and glue and draw -without getting the wallpaper. 
At first I was worried about the pictures of the ambulance, lights flashing and the stick figure in a hospital bed.  His teachers said that Ben is smart, creative and expressive.  They say he often processes things this way.  Much as they love Ben, they could hardly wait for him to go to school proper where he could learn to read and write. 
When I told them about the monkey bars and the broken arm in a cast and the pictures -Janice Reddell actually told me Ben was showing off his cast to his friends and that he was handling this better than I was!  She assured me that is normal, especially because Ben is my first and still an only child, but she was concerned that I had people to talk to.  I told her I had Alex and Jonah.  Janice pointed out that I don't really have other women to confide in.  Other mothers.

It's true I never really did the coffee group thing.  I'm usually self-sufficient and that's important to me.  Besides, Alex is so good with Ben.  And Jonah -when he is home from the hospital.

Sometimes I look at him sleep and I could burst.  He's such a clever little boy with so many interests.  One month it's dinosaurs, the next it's robots.  Alex tries to share his love of music with him; but perhaps it's too early to really tell yet.  He could do anything and he has his whole future ahead of him.

I've started this diary as a way for me to process.  Some of the parenting sites reckon getting stuff down on paper can help.  Parenting is a roller-coaster of emotion.

I don't know if I'll keep it up but it's just me and Ben tonight and I figure it can't hurt.

Alex's career is really taking off.  He took up piano a while back, when Ben was just a tiny thing.  It would really get on my nerves when the baby was screaming and the piano was plunking away.  Alex would complain a bit when he couldn't practise because Ben was sleeping.
Of course, things got better. 
Alex writes jingles for advertising -when he isn't performing, like tonight; or writing his own songs.
Jingles -such a strange word.  Alex tells me this is the technical term.

Jonah is sort of seeing one of his colleagues.  A surgeon named Adeline.  I don't think it's really serious, just a way to not be lonely.  He doesn't talk about her the way he talks about Ben, or how his day was at work.  He lacks the same animation.  I -think- Jonah is happy, but maybe he's missing something in his life when it comes to love?  The sort of love I'm so grateful to have found with Alex.

For now I just try to be there for Jonah.  We do silly things like "surprise Sunday pancakes" even though Jonah had a shift starting at eight.  Ben wore his housecoat, I had on the tracksuit pants I'd just thrown on and Jonah was in his scrubs.  We had a good time though and I'm glad we're all so close.  Alex would have joined us but he'd had a late night of work the evening before and I figured it better to let him get some sleep.

Speaking of sleep; it's time I got some myself!  Lights out and Goodnight.